The Crazy Adventures of a Wommy

I was talking to my husband the other day on more children.  It is something I tend go back and forth on not because I actually want to have anymore (I am in love with Connor and he completes our lives more then I could have ever known) but the fact he will grow up an only child, what if I change my mind later, or worse yet Ben changes his mind and I am still dead set on the decision we made together in the hours having giving birth to our son. 

So far none of this has come true but still I wonder and worry because…well….that is what I do best in our family.  I know my fertility is fading and apparently fast.  I am 25 now but by 30 they say fertility takes a dive south and by 35-40 roughly 80% have no fertility.  I take birth control to prevent any pregnancies but here lately I am tired of taking it (I am on the patch and well.... applying it every week is getting old) so I have been thinking of having my tubes tied.  Then that leads into what if we change our mind? I know people who have changed their mind and now they are trying to conceive and having a really hard time with it.  Do I want go that route?

I am happy with one child because well it is easier but don’t let that fool you into thinking one child is always easy.  He is a stubborn, speaks his mind, and often uses the new words he picks up in preschool to tell you that he is not happy.  They are currently learning emotions and how to express them and I am so happy he is but at the same time when he looks at you says, “Mommy, I am mad at you” well you get the point.  He is a handful and let no one tell you that one child you really don’t get the full effects of parenting because I am here to tell you otherwise. 

I often wondered why I only want one child because I always told myself I would have two kids because no child should be alone and always have a playmate.  I think now that those are ridiculous reasons to have a child.  “Playmate”- is not the reasons to have another child because I think then you are putting expectations on new child before they are even born.  Being alone happens in big families, small families, etc.  My son is not alone for many reasons namely he has to parents that play with him, spend so much time with him, and absolutely love him to pieces.  He has friends from preschool and not preschool that they have play dates, birthday’s parties, etc they attend. 

I think the reason to have another child is because the couple are committed and want another child for the enjoyment of parenting.  I also think they believe financially they can support another child and provide the same things they provide with the first without too much strain on the budget.  I know someone people think that finances should not be a factor because you will always make it work.  I understand that but I also think if you are living with parents because of financial reasons, struggling to meet basic needs for the family, etc then it is not generally a good idea to have another child.

At this point my fertility days are over and yes people might or do already think we are crazy.  To us though it is crazy to have another one because to us our “small” family of three is great and it works.  Why you may ask? Because it just does.  I don’t have great reasons but to us we are complete, financially it is good despite the economy, we love that we can focus on Connor, I think if he plays sports Ben and I will can be at every game instead of splitting up to attend to sets of sports, etc. 

I also know he won’t be spoiled, selfish, brat, non- sharing, etc.  Those are all stereotypes that only children get and I am working on breaking those down one at a time.

As preschool takes off and the activities hammer on I am reminded of what makes a good mother.  I say this because in my son’s preschool I am the youngest mom who currently is finished after having one child. While they are all set in their careers whether it is outside the home or inside the home while I am still attending college trying achieve that dream. 

I get nervous when it is my snack day because I am not the greatest cook and on those days I feel like I am high school all over again with trying to impress or be cool with the snacks.  I am only 24 (this month I turn 25) and I a young to be a mom.  I know that and realize that.  The stay at home moms seem to have it all together while I am juggling 14 credit hours, home, Connor, and a husband who is out of town a lot here lately. 

What makes a good mother? Does it really matter your age? Marital status? Career? I often wonder if I am a good mom.  I try and I know there are days I do not come close, but other days I think I am exceeding the standards.  If you were to give yourself a grade with A being the best and F being the worst what would it be? My husband says because I often wonder about it then it means I am a good mom.  But is it enough? Wonder what Connor thinks?

                            Candace

Candace

I am finally preschool shopping even if I do not want to.  I need preschool for only 2 days a week.  No one told me how hard this was going to be.  I have one that is lined up if they accept him.  I should know tomorrow.  It will be 2 days a week (5 hours each day).  My baby is growing up and I know because he is an only child he needs socialization with other children his age. 

I love him so much and really hate to do this but…I know it be great for him.  (Hope it is at least) I hope he has fun and no matter what he is still mine to take care of.  Does every parent go through this with the first born?

There are a lot of questions I will be asking on the first day which could be as early as this Tuesday because I start back to school on Monday.  Yikes!!!!

We went to the park today and Connor had so much fun.  He has thing for slides and stairs right now.  Ben is out of town and has been for a couple of days now.  But he comes back tomorrow to only go back out of town next week. 

I love my son.  Want to know why? It is not just for his cuteness (even though he is cute).  I love him because yesterday and like many days before that he does things that make me smile or heart swell with pride.  We had a family get together yesterday and he was meeting his baby cousin again.  He walks over to him and taps him gently on the shoulder and then points to me and said this, “that is my mommy.”

It is not the first or I hope the last time he does it.  He seems it necessary to tell people even people we meet often that I am his mommy.  I think he wants everyone to know who I am.   I feel important now.  J

I just hope he feels that way when he is a teenager!